Quartstanbaf is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, sapient squid.

Quartstanbaf created silver five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartstanbaf, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Quartstanbaf, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Quartstanbaf's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Quartstanbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if four foxes approach from the east.

2. Do not keep seven doves in a large pit.

3. Do not take Quartstanbaf's name in vain.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not dye your hair purple.