Gamyattsin is a god.

She takes the form of a small, self-assured pig.

Gamyattsin created Europe four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gamyattsin, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gamyattsin, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gamyattsin's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Gamyattsin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Do not wear fawn clothing.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never talk about spacetime near mice while wearing blue boots and balancing three gold spheres on your hands.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.