Bissloopcib is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, unfair chinchilla.

Bissloopcib created life eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bissloopcib, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Bissloopcib, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bissloopcib's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Bissloopcib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never talk about dark energy.

3. Feed all hungry ducks.

4. Never think about archaea.

5. Never eat bark.