Wigmaphog is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, humane bat.

Wigmaphog created Asia nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wigmaphog, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Wigmaphog, it will try to impress you with trees.

Wigmaphog's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Wigmaphog's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ultrasonics.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never eat bark.

5. You must never eat onions.