Flyzigwik is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, stupid squirrel.

Flyzigwik created light three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flyzigwik, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Flyzigwik, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Flyzigwik's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Flyzigwik's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not kill goats.

4. Erect four zinc sculptures of Flyzigwik on top of important buildings.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.