Linbatkin is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, unselfish troll.

Linbatkin created a quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Linbatkin, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Linbatkin, he will have a low opinion of you.

Linbatkin's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Linbatkin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Never sprint in holy places.

3. Never jump near pigs.

4. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

5. Never think about optics near eagles while wearing orange dresses and balancing six tin spheres on your neck.