Lingovwigcun is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, kind squid.

Lingovwigcun created the Whirlpool Galaxy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lingovwigcun, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Lingovwigcun, she will turn you into a rat.

Lingovwigcun's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Lingovwigcun's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Never mention aardvarks.

3. Lingovwigcun must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never wear magenta kilts.

5. Never go into cyan rooms.