Gessomlak is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, merciful pig.

Gessomlak created a down quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Gessomlak, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gessomlak, she will turn you into a rat.

Gessomlak's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Gessomlak's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about planets.

2. Put Gessomlak first in all things.

3. You must never eat peanuts.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.