Nursasfid Nibcumsislitnadton Spagcutkin is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, omnipotent whale.

Nursasfid Nibcumsislitnadton Spagcutkin created a bottom quark four years ago.

If you believe in Nursasfid Nibcumsislitnadton Spagcutkin, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Nursasfid Nibcumsislitnadton Spagcutkin, she will turn you into a plant.

Nursasfid Nibcumsislitnadton Spagcutkin's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Nursasfid Nibcumsislitnadton Spagcutkin's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never leap in the presence of pigs.

4. Do not eat peas.

5. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Nursasfid Nibcumsislitnadton Spagcutkin in the centre of the settlement.