Pitzanbess is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, moody salamander.

Pitzanbess created the planet Mars five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitzanbess, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Pitzanbess, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Pitzanbess' most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Pitzanbess' Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Always look after injured eagles.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate doves.

5. Do not dye your hair mauve.