Lopdusstanmabyak is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, overgenerous cat.

Lopdusstanmabyak created the planet Venus twelve years ago.

If you believe in Lopdusstanmabyak, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Lopdusstanmabyak, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Lopdusstanmabyak's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Lopdusstanmabyak's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the weak nuclear force near grasshopers while wearing black scarves and balancing six copper spheres on your back.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never write about enzymes.