Arpwabmigdunpogyokpomsak is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, unthoughtful clam.

Arpwabmigdunpogyokpomsak created the planet Earth four years ago.

If you believe in Arpwabmigdunpogyokpomsak, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Arpwabmigdunpogyokpomsak, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Arpwabmigdunpogyokpomsak's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Arpwabmigdunpogyokpomsak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

2. Never feed lots of wheat to porpoises while wearing green coats.

3. Do not wear lead on your body.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.