Tamortlig is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, all-knowing manatee.

Tamortlig created a down quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tamortlig, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tamortlig, he will turn you into a mole.

Tamortlig's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Tamortlig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about bacteria.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics near dolphins while wearing red skirts.

3. Never eat tomatoes.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not keep five monkeys in a large pit.