Wigcamjam is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, kind newt.

Wigcamjam created the planet Saturn six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wigcamjam, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Wigcamjam, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Wigcamjam's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Wigcamjam's Holy Commandments

1. Always help gulls.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in indigo.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.