Gumspaggid is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, clever narwhal.

Gumspaggid created a top quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gumspaggid, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Gumspaggid, he will not care at all.

Gumspaggid's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Gumspaggid's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt ducks.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never feed lots of cherries to capybaras while wearing red hats.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Respect your elders.