Japvadyar is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, grumpy tortoise.

Japvadyar created a quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Japvadyar, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Japvadyar, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Japvadyar's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Japvadyar's Holy Commandments

1. Japvadyar loves swans, so they must be honoured.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Japvadyar in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Do not listen to music.