Bagwegtab is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, grumpy hippopotamus.

Bagwegtab created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bagwegtab, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bagwegtab, it will remove you from existence.

Bagwegtab's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Bagwegtab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Learn five new languages a year.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Feed all hungry geese.

5. Do not take Bagwegtab's name in vain.