Laplamvin is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, passionate raven.

Laplamvin created a quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Laplamvin, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Laplamvin, it will turn you into a dog.

Laplamvin's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Laplamvin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Do not shave your arms.

5. Never eat green fruit.