Tarmisfom is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unsympathetic mink.

Tarmisfom created an atom eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarmisfom, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tarmisfom, he will turn you into a slug.

Tarmisfom's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Tarmisfom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Always help sick turtles.

3. Hide from green badgers for they are unholy.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never play with disobedient children.