Tombigsit is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, ruthless narwhal.

Tombigsit created water four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tombigsit, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tombigsit, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Tombigsit's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Tombigsit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Do not keep five badgers in a large pit.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Great tits are not to be trusted.

5. Never feed lots of tomatoes to gulls while wearing indigo shoes.