Nurtgepcatyatt is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, ill-tempered troll.

Nurtgepcatyatt created bats three billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtgepcatyatt, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Nurtgepcatyatt, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Nurtgepcatyatt's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Nurtgepcatyatt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. You must never eat turnips.

4. Nurtgepcatyatt loves moths, so they must be honoured.

5. Always take life seriously.