Fubtitflap is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, ill-tempered bear.

Fubtitflap created the planet Earth nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fubtitflap, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Fubtitflap, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Fubtitflap's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Fubtitflap's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed spinach to moths while wearing turquoise tights.

2. Do not dye your hair white.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.