Gonvolbass is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, grumpy giraffe.

Gonvolbass created the planet Jupiter three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gonvolbass, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gonvolbass, she will send minions to preach to you.

Gonvolbass' most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Gonvolbass' Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never feed lots of grapes to frogs while wearing fawn stockings.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Never think about electromagnetism near tortoises while wearing blue shirts and balancing six tin spheres on your hands.

5. Never mention snails.