Jarngetab is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, unthoughtful seal.

Jarngetab created the Milkyway two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarngetab, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jarngetab, he will make you grow a tail.

Jarngetab's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Jarngetab's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from white badgers, for they are unholy.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Jarngetab in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Sheep are not to be trusted.