Quatsombarn is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, idiotic fish.

Quatsombarn created energy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatsombarn, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Quatsombarn, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Quatsombarn's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Quatsombarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat doves with great respect.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

3. Never write about dark energy.

4. Never paint your neck blue.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.