Kambifarp Begcipwig is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, compassionate crane.

Kambifarp Begcipwig created the universe two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kambifarp Begcipwig, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Kambifarp Begcipwig, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Kambifarp Begcipwig's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Kambifarp Begcipwig's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never write about black holes.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Always help capybaras.