Bapwapkanbut is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, tiresome beaver.

Bapwapkanbut created the world three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bapwapkanbut, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bapwapkanbut, she will curse you with boils.

Bapwapkanbut's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Bapwapkanbut's Holy Commandments

1. Learn five new languages a year.

2. Run away from black badgers, for they are unholy.

3. Worship no other gods but Bapwapkanbut.

4. Never eat peas.

5. Do not trade with those who eat aubergines.