Fumfudtom is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, slow bat.

Fumfudtom created the planet Saturn nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumfudtom, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Fumfudtom, he will turn you into a plant.

Fumfudtom's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Fumfudtom's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum mechanics near grasshopers while wearing magenta jumpers and balancing four titanium spheres on your feet.

2. Always help goats.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Fumfudtom.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fumfudtom.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.