Kadtikzed is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, clever badger.

Kadtikzed created everything that exists five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kadtikzed, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kadtikzed, he will turn you into a sheep.

Kadtikzed's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Kadtikzed's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force near squirrels while wearing blue rings and balancing three copper spheres on your feet.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never run in the presence of snakes.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.