Rapmaphenfetyak is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, irritating gerbil.

Rapmaphenfetyak created vertebrates three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rapmaphenfetyak, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Rapmaphenfetyak, it will try to impress you with trees.

Rapmaphenfetyak's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Rapmaphenfetyak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about spacetime.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.