Zaklaptan is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, dishonourable cow.

Zaklaptan created the Sol system seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zaklaptan, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Zaklaptan, she will turn you into a plant.

Zaklaptan's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Zaklaptan's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from indigo bats for they are unholy.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zaklaptan.

3. Do not eat bread.

4. Never mention hamsters.

5. Do not kill manatees.