Bitnigtomrill Stanmiddud is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, astonishing narwhal.

Bitnigtomrill Stanmiddud created dark energy four years ago.

If you believe in Bitnigtomrill Stanmiddud, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Bitnigtomrill Stanmiddud, he will turn you into a mouse.

Bitnigtomrill Stanmiddud's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Bitnigtomrill Stanmiddud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate otters.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never wear violet shorts.

5. Never write about electromagnetism.