Wonquaffem is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, fast squid.

Wonquaffem created the Whirlpool Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Wonquaffem, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Wonquaffem, it will throw large rocks at you.

Wonquaffem's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Wonquaffem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair magenta.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never eat oranges.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not commit murder.