Flatlarnsab is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, selfish lizard.

Flatlarnsab created viruses eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatlarnsab, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Flatlarnsab, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Flatlarnsab's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Flatlarnsab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

2. Never look at black holes.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.