Janwathig is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, duplicitous gnu.

Janwathig created everything that exists five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Janwathig, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Janwathig, he will turn you into a puffin.

Janwathig's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Janwathig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Janwathig.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.