Dobfenfag Batlogtik is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, omnipotent snail.

Dobfenfag Batlogtik created an electron eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dobfenfag Batlogtik, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Dobfenfag Batlogtik, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Dobfenfag Batlogtik's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Dobfenfag Batlogtik's Holy Commandments

1. Great tits are not to be trusted.

2. Never write about quantum mechanics.

3. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Always help porpoises in need.