Tafwigarnced is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, blissful dugong.

Tafwigarnced created the planet Mars six million years ago.

If you believe in Tafwigarnced, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Tafwigarnced, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Tafwigarnced's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Tafwigarnced's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a room before entering it.

3. Hide if seven birds approach from the north.

4. Never hurt geese.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.