Motwikkop is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, irritating swan.

Motwikkop created snails two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Motwikkop, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Motwikkop, she will torture you forever.

Motwikkop's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Motwikkop's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity near otters while wearing indigo trousers and balancing three nickel spheres on your head.

2. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. You must love Motwikkop.