Kopjannel is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, clever mole.

Kopjannel created dark energy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Kopjannel, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Kopjannel, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Kopjannel's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Kopjannel's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not hurt otters.

4. Never talk about fluid mechanics near doves while wearing cyan shorts and balancing four nickel spheres on your chest.

5. Do not cook food in pots.