Witbemsin is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, grumpy hydra.

Witbemsin created the planet Earth seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Witbemsin, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Witbemsin, he will turn you into a rat.

Witbemsin's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Witbemsin's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never write about electromagnetism.

3. Witbemsin loves shrews, so they must be honoured.

4. Erect a giant green sculpture of Witbemsin in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not leap in public.