Ratxuclab is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, charitable parrot.

Ratxuclab created a Higgs boson seven million years ago.

If you believe in Ratxuclab, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Ratxuclab, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Ratxuclab's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Ratxuclab's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never wear brown boots.

3. Never feed nuts to bats while wearing shorts.

4. Never feed limes to horses while wearing magenta dresses.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.