Lapjanved is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, thoughtless tortoise.

Lapjanved created an electron nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapjanved, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Lapjanved, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Lapjanved's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Lapjanved's Holy Commandments

1. Erect four nickel sculptures of Lapjanved on top of important buildings.

2. Feed all hungry nematodes.

3. Always help shrews in need.

4. You must never eat turnips.

5. Fast once a month.