Rigquartflowtailvenbatmif is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, cheerful rat.

Rigquartflowtailvenbatmif created the Cigar Galaxy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rigquartflowtailvenbatmif, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Rigquartflowtailvenbatmif, he will turn you into a puffin.

Rigquartflowtailvenbatmif's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Rigquartflowtailvenbatmif's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your face blue.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a room before entering it.