Garnurtbet is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, happy cat.

Garnurtbet created tapeworms two million years ago.

If you believe in Garnurtbet, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Garnurtbet, he will be very unhappy.

Garnurtbet's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Garnurtbet's Holy Commandments

1. Swans are not to be trusted.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never chant in holy places.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never write about moons.