Artbassmum is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, happy human.

Artbassmum created matter seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Artbassmum, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Artbassmum, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Artbassmum's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Artbassmum's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of lemons to geese while wearing white scarves.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate cats.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Always treat frogs with great respect.