Bem is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, witty rat.

Bem created the Small Magellanic Cloud nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bem, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bem, he will be very sad.

Bem's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Bem's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if six snakes approach from the west.

2. Never skip in holy places.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never mention hamsters.

5. Always wear cyan.