Tofbossjat is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, humorless bear.

Tofbossjat created an up quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofbossjat, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tofbossjat, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Tofbossjat's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Tofbossjat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about eukaryotes.

2. Never talk about special relativity near badgers while wearing blue shorts and balancing eight platinum spheres on your hands.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.