Jopnurlflow is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, pitiless wombat.

Jopnurlflow created Africa six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopnurlflow, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Jopnurlflow, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Jopnurlflow's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Jopnurlflow's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never talk about turtles.

3. Never sprint near gulls.

4. Jopnurlflow loves ants, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not cook food in pots.