Tikgamlinsand is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, ruthless porpoise.

Tikgamlinsand created vertebrates four million years ago.

If you believe in Tikgamlinsand, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tikgamlinsand, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Tikgamlinsand's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Tikgamlinsand's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. You must never eat beans.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not hurt manatees.