Gumtofdavpan is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, witless cat.

Gumtofdavpan created the planet Venus nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gumtofdavpan, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Gumtofdavpan, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Gumtofdavpan's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Gumtofdavpan's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear black.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never paint your face mauve.

4. You must never eat lentils.

5. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Gumtofdavpan in the centre of the settlement.